I have been with my husband for over half my life. And tomorrow, we will have been married for 20 years. I met him when I was 20, a sophomore in college, and he was a freshman. We both played basketball and for most of the season, he was dating one of my teammates. I didn't consider him as dating material because of that, and also because I knew he was WAY out of my league. He looked like Vanilla Ice (before the dawn of reality tv when Vanilla Ice was still somewhat reputable), could rap, was majorly handsome, talented in basketball, and could dance like nobody's business.
I rode with his girlfriend to our end of season team gathering at our JV coach's house. I asked how her boyfriend was, and she said, "Matt? Oh we broke up." "Reeeeeeeaaaaally......that's too bad," I said, not really sorry at all. (In my head I was thinking possibilities.)
Long story short, we met up again at another end of year basketball party, we smooched, I made him spell my last name, convinced that he would never look me up in the college directory. The next day, I purposely spent all day out of my dorm room, just in case he didn't call. Or just in case he did. And call he did.
The rest is pretty much history. Our trajectory was fairly predictable. We had our ups and downs and before his senior year in college and during my first year of teaching, he proposed and I said yes. We were babies really, 20 and 22, and had more bumps in the road along the way. A car accident, a terrible first year of teaching, a year of being separated by physical distance as he finished college, and a postponed wedding. After the car accident in October of 1994, I could barely decide what to eat and what to wear, let alone plan a wedding.
In an act of complete faith, on the phone one night, Matt told me quietly to take my ring off and set it on the dresser. He told me to put it back on when I was ready. I sobbed, told him I loved him, and hung up.
I never took off my ring. We postponed our wedding from July 1995, to December 1995. I was flooded with relief and things started looking up.
My husband is an incredible man. This demonstration of his faith in me, in us, is just one of the many reasons I love him and admire him. Here are some more.
1. He thinks I am beautiful, even when I am decidedly un-beautiful. He has loved me through high waisted jeans, stirrup pants, over sized everything, and big hair.
2. He puts up with my family, even though we are very un-perfect, my siblings, my parents, my step-parents, and me. He appreciates the great things about us and quietly tolerates the crazy parts.
3. He is a great dad who loves all three of our kiddos fiercely and would take down anyone who tried to hurt them. He also demands a lot from them, and knows they will rise to the challenge. He understands that they will disappoint him, and he knows he will forgive them. My favorite all time line from him came from our first trip to Disney World on day 3. "Let's start the day with hugs and kisses, because we know it will end in spankings."
4. He is so smart, even though he doesn't think he is. It isn't every guy who can get through undergraduate school with an A- average and graduate school with a 4.0.
5. He is good with people, especially where I am not. We are both introverts, believe it or not. But, he is better in large group social situations. I tend to sit on the sidelines and observe gratefully while he takes over and shields me from awkward situations.
6. He is an excellent teacher, a teacher who believes in the value of physical education and its benefits the whole child. He has integrity and knows that his PE class is not an "easy A." He makes kids, high schoolers, work for their grades and is great at holding them accountable. He calls parents when kids aren't meeting his expectations and doesn't back down when the student tells a different story.
7. He is a phenomenal coach, one who truly allows athletes to believe in their gifts, even if their gift is hidden. He has pulled more talent out of kids than I can believe. We plan workouts together, and then he'll turn it around in head all day long, come to practice and change the plan. Annoying sometimes, yes, but it works! He is successful, but more than that, he has made the relationship with the athlete more important than anything else.
8. He thinks I am funny, and even if he doesn't, he pretends. I have a strange sense of humor (thanks Dad) and he has come to appreciate that in me over the years.
9. He knows that it's okay to argue, and has brought me also to that point. For a long time, I wouldn't argue, I would just acquiesce and seethe inside. He won't put up with my passive-aggressive junk, and draws me out so that we can get to the heart of the issue. He never swears at me, and he knows that divorce is a sacred word. We both know NEVER to throw that around in a casual way, and have never used it as a tool in our fights.
10. He makes a mean tuna casserole. Okay, so that one's a joke. I mean, he can make tuna casserole, but I beg him not to. I hate tuna casserole. He does push my food boundaries though. He enjoys attempting to hide mushrooms in a bite of stir fry, and makes me try seafood even though I have never liked it.
11. He's adventurous. If it were up to me, we'd probably only go to the mall and Target. But, with him, I have been to France, England, Aruba, Antigua, and Puerto Rico. I have been to 41 states, I think. Plus, he's forced me to be adventurous in two of the best purchases of our lives. One was our Chevy Tahoe, which we bought in 2002 and we still have. The second was our current, and forever, home. Even though it was a foreclosure, it was still out of my comfort zone. He pushed me through that zone and I thank him all the time for forcing me into this amazing house and 17 acres of woods.
12. Finally, and most of all, he loves me and my imperfections and he forgives me daily. We both understand that marriage isn't perfect, that it matters more what's IN the marriage, than what people on the outside think. We trust each other and believe in each other. We encourage each other to be the best versions of ourselves.
Every day, I am grateful that he chooses me to spend his life with. I choose him every day, too, and in the end, that's how it works. Happy Anniversary, Matty. I love you.
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