When I turned 18, I thought, "Yes! I am finally a grown up!" I went to college, got a job, went to graduate school, got married and then I started to wonder.
"When will I feel like a grown up?"
I was doing all the things grown ups do...like paying a mortgage, paying various other bills, joining my church, heading up committees at work, coaching a variety of sports teams and finally, having children of my own.
There, that should make me feel like a grown up, right?
It's not like I am a childish person. I'm not. I'm not even silly. I don't run around and jump around. I don't even like to play games with my kids.
I'm really bad at pretend, especially with action figures and Barbies.(Hi, I'm Ken/Superman/Barbie/Green Lantern. Who are you? Are you a good guy or a bad guy? What are you doing? Okay, well, I'm going to go take a nap.) See? I told you I'm bad.
I get bored easily. I don't watch a lot of tv. I'm not particularly crafty or have any hobbies. I am, in fact, pretty boring.
Even when my kids were small and I was parenting 24/7, I still didn't feel like a grown up.
I am just starting to feel more like a grown up now. The transformation is not yet complete, but I think I may have figured out some of the contributing factors.
1. I went back to work.
There is something about putting on professional clothes and teaching history that makes me feel more grown up. Especially since the history I am teaching has to do with Minnesota and the era in which I grew up. See, my childhood life is history!
2. I am now older or the same age as most of my students' parents.
When I first started teaching, I was the new teacher in the school, one of the youngest ones. I didn't have children, so how could I be an authority on your child when I didn't know what it was like to have little ones of my own? Plus, for some of the parents I worked with, they were not much younger than my own parents. A few had children my age.
3. I went through the house buying process a second time.
The first time we bought our house, we really had no idea what we were doing. We survived it, built equity, and then moved on to bigger and better. The second time we bought a house, we knew more - about the process, about our own financial state, about each other. Plus, much to the chagrin of our realtor, HGTV's House Hunters and Property Virgins helped.
4. I have school agers of my own.
This might be the biggest determining factor in feeling like a grown up. I provide birthday treats. Do homework. I get to read chapter books to my boys, good chapter books like Harry Potter. I go to parent/teacher conferences as the parent.
Next year my daughter will be in school. Then, perhaps my transformation to adult will be complete. I mean, I am 40 after all. When my parents turned 40, they were OLD! Am I a grown up? Perhaps, but definitely not OLD!
Kiddos 2014
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
Sick of Sick
I'd like to preface this post by stating that generally, the family is pretty healthy. We've had our ups and downs, but nothing terminal or really terrible. So, I know there are worse things out there. I know I should be grateful, and I am, and I try to be grateful for my times of trial. I just don't always succeed.
That being said, I am sick of sick in our household. I have to admit that I've developed somewhat of an obsessive side about illness. If you've read any of my earlier posts, you will know that it really began when I was pregnant with Ben and Gabe had an 8 week bout of rotovirus. Ugh. Most of the time when I was a Stay at home mom, I managed it pretty well. After all, if someone got sick, the worst that would happen is we didn't go to the library, or a playdate, or MOMS group at church.
Since I returned to work, it has become ever so much more complicated. It's a dance of negotiation...
Can you stay home today/tomorrow?
No, can you?
Not really, but I suppose I can run in and put in sub plans tonight.
Yeah, I stayed home last time.
But, I'll have to miss a staff meeting, and I'm supposed to be prepping my students for the chapter 6 test that I wanted to get in before the end of second quarter, and it's Wednesday so I have mileage club, and we have AIMSWEB testing this week that I have to administer.
Yeah, I stayed home last time.
Oh, okay, guess I'll find a a sub. Mary, are you available? No? Kay are you available? No? Donna? Jan? Bette? Kelli? Down to my last resort...we all know who that is, the sub who comes in, has no control, doesn't get anything done and it takes a solid week to get pubescent 12 year olds back on track.
Hubby is very, very good about staying home. But, we do still feel great responsibility to our students. We feel like we are gone all the time, and I'm sure the parents of my students don't entirely appreciate that either. But, when you have sick kids, what else can you do? They're not at the age yet where they can stay home alone, and who really wants that anyway when they are sick? I still want my mom, wouldn't my eight year old want me?
So, it becomes very stressful when someone is sick. Not only because of the dance about who is going to stay home and manage the sick cherub, but also because of the GERMS!
Note from above, remember that I said "obsessive" not "compulsive." I am not a classic germ-a-phobe. I don't run around with my hand sanitizer everywhere, but I have been known to decline an invitation if someone has been sick in the last 4 days. I do go around with my clorox wipes and clean every knob, handle, and floor space that I can when someone is sick. I do loads and loads of laundry. I don't share food or drink, or take bites of anyone else's food or drink. I run my dishwasher A LOT. I spray lysol like room freshener. You get the picture.
But the worst part is, I can't stop THINKING about sickness and WONDERING how long it will be before everyone else gets it! I see germs as super sonic live beings that could hop from a light switch to my coffee cup handle into my mouth. I know that they can't, but it doesn't stop me from the constant worry. Also, keep in mind that I work in a cesspool of germs...an elementary school. So does my husband. And my boys spend all day in that same cesspool. My daughter, well, she's in preschool (cesspool) and daycare (not so much a cesspool, probably cleaner than my own house!). So you see, it's not like my worries are unfounded. Just totally inescapable.
My husband THINKS I am a bit crazy. I KNOW I am a bit crazy, and I tell him all the time....I'm working on it.
So, this brings me back to sick of sick. It started on Halloween, a Monday, Ben threw up. Thankfully, we had grandparents here to help on that day so we could still go to work. Poor little guy couldn't go trick or treating. Friday, Lyndee threw up. Saturday, she was diagnosed with strep. Monday, Gabe stayed home. No strep. All week, the kids didn't feel well. The next Monday, both boys were diagnosed with strep. The following Wednesday, Lyndee had an ear infection. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday after Thanksgiving Gabe had three days of fever. Saturday, Sunday, Monday Lyndee had three days of fever.
I removed myself from facebook mostly because I cannot stand how often people post about their kids or themselves throwing up. I do the whole Kevin Bacon Six Degrees of Separation thing. Only, it's six degrees of sick. I know you live in Nairobi, but we were with someone that was with you? Did we have a playdate with your cousin's best friend's girlfriend so we could have been exposed? How long has it been since we've seen you? If we plan on seeing you anytime soon, I will cancel our date with some lame excuse just because my psyche cannot take the thought of illness.
Back to the sick of sick timeline. Lyndee was not herself all through Christmas break. January came, we started to think, maybe we are done with all of this, maybe we can start fresh. January 12th, Lyndee threw up at preschool, January 13th negative strep. Monday, the 16th, Ben threw up, and up, and up. I went to school, felt sick, came home and now am trying to manage my stress associated with all of this.
It is still the 16th. It is also Lyndee's 5th birthday, some fun birthday, huh? Now begins the extrapolation, how long will we be sick? Will Gabe and Matt get sick? Am I really sick or is the stress making me sick? Your guess is as good as mine. (Side note, after picking Lyndee up at daycare, Gabe did get sick...in the truck...the new truck).
I am trying. I ask myself, what's the worst that will happen. Gabe will get sick. What else? Lyndee will get sick again. What else? Matt and I will both be sick and won't teach all week? Then what? We will get better. Then what? My students will survive. Then what? Life will go on. I know I vowed...in sickness and in health...and I will always, always take care of the kids. It pains me greatly when Mommy can't make it all better. I would take the illness for them a thousand times over if it meant that they wouldn't be sick. But, just so you know....it wears on me.
I know there's a vaccine for rotovirus. Is there a vaccine for the common stomach flu? If there is, bring it on, I would max my credit cards to pay for it. My psyche (and my husband) would thank me for it.
That being said, I am sick of sick in our household. I have to admit that I've developed somewhat of an obsessive side about illness. If you've read any of my earlier posts, you will know that it really began when I was pregnant with Ben and Gabe had an 8 week bout of rotovirus. Ugh. Most of the time when I was a Stay at home mom, I managed it pretty well. After all, if someone got sick, the worst that would happen is we didn't go to the library, or a playdate, or MOMS group at church.
Since I returned to work, it has become ever so much more complicated. It's a dance of negotiation...
Can you stay home today/tomorrow?
No, can you?
Not really, but I suppose I can run in and put in sub plans tonight.
Yeah, I stayed home last time.
But, I'll have to miss a staff meeting, and I'm supposed to be prepping my students for the chapter 6 test that I wanted to get in before the end of second quarter, and it's Wednesday so I have mileage club, and we have AIMSWEB testing this week that I have to administer.
Yeah, I stayed home last time.
Oh, okay, guess I'll find a a sub. Mary, are you available? No? Kay are you available? No? Donna? Jan? Bette? Kelli? Down to my last resort...we all know who that is, the sub who comes in, has no control, doesn't get anything done and it takes a solid week to get pubescent 12 year olds back on track.
Hubby is very, very good about staying home. But, we do still feel great responsibility to our students. We feel like we are gone all the time, and I'm sure the parents of my students don't entirely appreciate that either. But, when you have sick kids, what else can you do? They're not at the age yet where they can stay home alone, and who really wants that anyway when they are sick? I still want my mom, wouldn't my eight year old want me?
So, it becomes very stressful when someone is sick. Not only because of the dance about who is going to stay home and manage the sick cherub, but also because of the GERMS!
Note from above, remember that I said "obsessive" not "compulsive." I am not a classic germ-a-phobe. I don't run around with my hand sanitizer everywhere, but I have been known to decline an invitation if someone has been sick in the last 4 days. I do go around with my clorox wipes and clean every knob, handle, and floor space that I can when someone is sick. I do loads and loads of laundry. I don't share food or drink, or take bites of anyone else's food or drink. I run my dishwasher A LOT. I spray lysol like room freshener. You get the picture.
But the worst part is, I can't stop THINKING about sickness and WONDERING how long it will be before everyone else gets it! I see germs as super sonic live beings that could hop from a light switch to my coffee cup handle into my mouth. I know that they can't, but it doesn't stop me from the constant worry. Also, keep in mind that I work in a cesspool of germs...an elementary school. So does my husband. And my boys spend all day in that same cesspool. My daughter, well, she's in preschool (cesspool) and daycare (not so much a cesspool, probably cleaner than my own house!). So you see, it's not like my worries are unfounded. Just totally inescapable.
My husband THINKS I am a bit crazy. I KNOW I am a bit crazy, and I tell him all the time....I'm working on it.
So, this brings me back to sick of sick. It started on Halloween, a Monday, Ben threw up. Thankfully, we had grandparents here to help on that day so we could still go to work. Poor little guy couldn't go trick or treating. Friday, Lyndee threw up. Saturday, she was diagnosed with strep. Monday, Gabe stayed home. No strep. All week, the kids didn't feel well. The next Monday, both boys were diagnosed with strep. The following Wednesday, Lyndee had an ear infection. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday after Thanksgiving Gabe had three days of fever. Saturday, Sunday, Monday Lyndee had three days of fever.
I removed myself from facebook mostly because I cannot stand how often people post about their kids or themselves throwing up. I do the whole Kevin Bacon Six Degrees of Separation thing. Only, it's six degrees of sick. I know you live in Nairobi, but we were with someone that was with you? Did we have a playdate with your cousin's best friend's girlfriend so we could have been exposed? How long has it been since we've seen you? If we plan on seeing you anytime soon, I will cancel our date with some lame excuse just because my psyche cannot take the thought of illness.
Back to the sick of sick timeline. Lyndee was not herself all through Christmas break. January came, we started to think, maybe we are done with all of this, maybe we can start fresh. January 12th, Lyndee threw up at preschool, January 13th negative strep. Monday, the 16th, Ben threw up, and up, and up. I went to school, felt sick, came home and now am trying to manage my stress associated with all of this.
It is still the 16th. It is also Lyndee's 5th birthday, some fun birthday, huh? Now begins the extrapolation, how long will we be sick? Will Gabe and Matt get sick? Am I really sick or is the stress making me sick? Your guess is as good as mine. (Side note, after picking Lyndee up at daycare, Gabe did get sick...in the truck...the new truck).
I am trying. I ask myself, what's the worst that will happen. Gabe will get sick. What else? Lyndee will get sick again. What else? Matt and I will both be sick and won't teach all week? Then what? We will get better. Then what? My students will survive. Then what? Life will go on. I know I vowed...in sickness and in health...and I will always, always take care of the kids. It pains me greatly when Mommy can't make it all better. I would take the illness for them a thousand times over if it meant that they wouldn't be sick. But, just so you know....it wears on me.
I know there's a vaccine for rotovirus. Is there a vaccine for the common stomach flu? If there is, bring it on, I would max my credit cards to pay for it. My psyche (and my husband) would thank me for it.
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