I read an article recently about collecting. Immediately I thought of my oldest. He is a collector extraordinaire. Anything shiny, ugly, valuable, or the least bit interesting goes into one of his collections. I first noticed his collecting habit when he was four and sleeping on the top bunk (chastise me later, I KNOW the warnings say he was supposed to be six!) and I was changing his sheets. Stuffed between his mattress and the side board of the bunk was a veritable conglomeration of items representing my son: pine cones, dried flowers, Happy Meal toys, broken crayons, a plastic fork, and a Starburst candy wrapper. "What is this stuff?" I asked him.
"That's my collection, Mommy."
"Hmmmm...some of this looks like trash." (Great parenting moment - trashing, literally, what your son thinks is sacred and valuable. Start the therapy fund.)
"No, Mommy, please don't throw it away! I took a long time collecting those things!"
"Okay, let's think about this. Plastic fork?"
"That's from our picnic on the deck. Remember, Daddy came home from work to have lunch with us on the first day of school?"
"Broken crayons?"
"I took those from preschool, they were going to throw them away. Mrs. S. said I could have them."
"Pine cones?"
"From our hike at Quarry Hill."
"Okay, at least give me the Starburst wrapper. That is trash."
"Nooooo Mommy," he wailed, "that's the first wrapper I ever read!"
Sigh, battle lost. Collection returned to the side of the bunk bed.
Currently under his bed he has four shoe boxes. One is his treasure collection. It holds pretend coins, a pirate map, real coins, sparkly jewels, mardi gras beads (don't ask), and anything shiny he can lay his hands on. One box is cards, notes and valentines from me, his friends, and his teachers. And two boxes are filled with random items of varying significance. Rubber bracelets? Check. Yugioh cars? Check. Broken erasers? Check. Nest? Check. I could go on and on. This doesn't even take into account the four peanut butter jars, one tub, squinkie collection or the silly bands collection he has in his closet. The peanut butter jars are his nature collections sorted by type: leaves, rocks, shells, and for lack of a better term - other. The tub contains notepads, sticky notes, and small notebooks that he can't resist buying because of the art and writing possibilities they represent.
We address these boxes (and jars and tub) about once every two months. During that two months (my mother probably wishes it were more often), other items find their way to the top of his dresser, his closet, the end of his bed, and his back pack. Also, via his pockets, we have a interesting mix of items next to the washing machine that he has found at school or on the playground.
I remember watching a show called "Clean Sweep." I have no idea if it's still even on television, but the premise went something like this: the featured owner's house is out of control so the clean sweep team comes in and does just a couple of rooms. They take everything out of those rooms and have just an hour or two, with the owner's input, to sort the items into 1. Keep 2. Sell and 3. Donate (maybe it was even throw, I can't remember).
Well, G and I do the same thing. We take out the collection boxes and gather the items that have accumulated around his room in the preceding two months. We decide - do we keep this, throw it or sell it? If we keep it, it has to fit in one of the existing collection boxes. If the collection boxes are full, some items have to be taken out to throw or sell. If we throw it, it simply goes in a plastic bag to be tossed. G also has a thing for recycling, so many things also go in a "to be recycled" pile.
Then comes the sell bag. Since I live in the country, and I'm kind of beyond the stage of having a garage sale, I use the term "sell" loosely. It applies to me buying his items from him. Did I mention that he likes money? He's a saver (go figure) and money has turned into a good motivator for controlling his collections. However, his idea and mine are quite different about what things are worth. A Happy Meal toy? He wants $3, I will give him $.25. We negotiate back and forth until we reach a fair price. He will also pick things to give to our little friend Evan or things to donate to Goodwill.
At the conclusion of the "Clean up the Collections" project, we both feel so much better!
I think there are two reasons he puts up with going through his collections with me. First, he loves the one on one time with me. Second, he loves the money. Me? I love the end result - a clean room.
I've gotten better about his collections. We've learned from each other. I am coming to terms with his habits, but I never want to see him on the show "Hoarders" so I will still try to help him control his desire to collect. As time has gone on, I've come to understand a little more of his need to hold onto things. Because for him, each thing holds meaning, a memory, a moment in time. And, who can blame him for that?
